Solitude
by Arishandera
Summary: Itachi is self-reliant. He will torment and love himself, because no one can do both as terribly as he does. ItaIta Contest Entry. Sensitive content.


**Half-assed, procrastinated, entry for the ItaIta FC's contest :D.**

**Disturbing, mind-provoking, and confusing things are awaiting you below. So be warned if you decide to read, because I was half-asleep while writing it.**

**Events are set before and during the Sasuke/Itachi fight.  
**

--

Solitude

--

Itachi knew that creating multiple shadow clones would be a risky move. He did not possess Kisame's chakra capacity or Naruto's unnaturally high stamina. It had never been an issue though, because until now, one clone sufficed his needs.

But time was going short. There were still so many things that needed to be done.

--

_He'd lived a solitary life since his defection from Konoha. Never had Itachi sought out any sort of human intimacy. He did not crave for physical contact, nor the feel of another's body against his. _

--

"So you are my brother's new companions," Itachi said. His eyes, with its usual active Sharingan, bore down upon Suigetsu, Karin, and Juugo.

Kisame grinned at Itachi's sudden appearance. "Itachi-san, I let Sasuke go on to meet you quite a while ago like you said. Are you entertaining him?"

Itachi gave him a fleeting glance before letting his gaze settle on Hebi once more. Suigetsu and Karin were eyeing him warily, the former's hand was subtly poised to grab his sword should there be an attack. Juugo, with his odd calm, did not seem at all tense in the older Uchiha's presence. Itachi reminded him too much of Sasuke.

His reply came a few seconds later, "Do not worry, Kisame. He is being taken care of as we speak."

Reassured, Kisame nodded. Yet he also noted that Itachi did not reveal his purpose for being in their company.

"So you're Sasuke's infamous brother," Suigetsu sneered. "Gotta say, you two look very much alike."

Karin and Juugo silently agreed.

Itachi let the comment pass. What he said next puzzled the trio, and made Kisame's brow furrow. "Tell me, how has he been? His goal to kill me, did he seem set upon making it come true?" how his voice was so gently inquiring, honestly curious, threw them off. It did not seem like a question someone would ask in his position

"...Sasuke-kun is as he always was. He brought us with him so that we'd be able to make sure he and you will fight alone. We were supposed to make sure the other members of the Akatsuki would not stop him from fighting you," Karin answered after a short pause.

"It seems that we did not have to worry about your partner interfering though," Juugo added, looking at Kisame.

"I too, want our encounter to be a private one," Itachi said. "It is the only way to do this."

"Hmph...All you Uchihas, cocky secretive bastards the lot of you, I say," Suigetsu nodded to himself.

To his surprise Itachi's lips quirked upward. "Yes…I suppose we are…"

--

_He was desperate, he could admit that now. Only recently did he realize, how poorly he had lived his life. And so Itachi thought that he'd excuse himself this one time for acting solely for the sake of himself, and himself alone._

_Sasuke comes closer to his goal at every passing moment. Itachi had waited so long for this time, worked so hard to lead his brother to their final meeting. But now, he could not deny the hints of fear and regret he felt in his chest._

_He needed reassurance. Now and more than anything.  
_

--

"Madara."

The addressed smirked behind his orange mask, "I missed the times when you called me 'sensei'."

Itachi stepped forward, coming to a stop beside his former mentor. Madara regarded him curiously, Itachi stared ahead where Naruto and his other Konoha-ninja companions were gathered.

"They are here to find your brother, and bring him back,. Uzumaki Naruto is amazingly persistent," Madara said. He then waited for Itachi's reaction. The other's mask will always, _always_ crack (even if just slightly) at anything concerning Sasuke. And Madara craved for those rare moments of Itachi's vulnerability.

Itachi focused on the familiar figure of Naruto.

"…His persistence will bear fruit soon enough."

"You are being uncharacteristically optimistic, child," Madara chuckled.

Itachi turned his head towards him. As Madara expected, he was still infuriatingly silent. But with how the other had been setting up every piece of his plan with utmost care, and paved Sasuke's path with precision, Madara knew what lied behind that unspoken mind. He had helped Itachi form it after all, discreetly carved his student's intentions with his own, instilled a bit of his own genius to add to Itachi's already-complex mind.

"Your death will not ensure Sasuke's redemption. You know that, I'm sure."

"It could pave the way for it," Itachi replied without a trace of doubt.

Madara chuckled. "That is only _one _possible scenario…" When Itachi met his eyes, he was thrilled to see the doubt he had planted there.

--

_Itachi forced himself to bear the pain. How the other's nails dug through his wrists and drew out blood, how teeth viciously bit down at his throat and shoulders, how brutal his treatment was, he bore it all because, he thinks, 'It would not be right for me to avoid pain when I bring so much of it to others.'_

_He felt the other bite down harder and welcomed it._

_His shirt was tossed aside, and he could feel his pants being pulled down._

_A simple fact is stated. One that Itachi knew already, but felt the need to hear as well._

"_You will not enjoy this."_

_He won't, but he will accept it. Just as he accepted everything thrown at him since he was given the task of eliminating his clan._

_Because, he believes that…_

_Until Sasuke is strong enough, there is no other way to alleviate the weight of his sins._

--

It took so much effort, to walk those last few feet towards Sasuke. The strength he needed to lift an arm, to position those two fingers to grant his brother one final gesture of his love, it exceeded that of anything he has done before.

How Itachi longed for this moment, when they could be together again. And he could be the person he truly wanted to be.

No illusions, no lies, just him. And Sasuke.

When his fingers were inches away from Sasuke's forehead, Itachi's lips started to form his parting words.

--

"Kisame, I think the battle is almost over. You may come and fetch me at the hideout. And then you could treat Sasuke's wounds."

Kisame blinked, "You're keeping him alive again?"

"No…he is victorious this time…" Itachi said in a surprisingly soft tone. Kisame was certain he misheard.

"What?"

Sasuke's teammates looked shocked as well.

"He is gravely injured. Take care of him. You could go by the time this clone disappears. That means, I've ended the battle."

Kisame stood paralyzed, looking down at his partner almost blankly, uncomprehending.

Itachi graced him a half-smile. "It is over, Kisame."

And before Kisame could reply, Itachi's clone erupted into a mass of black crows and feathers.

--

"I am honored, Itachi, really…I would not have thought you would spend some of your last moments with me," Madara said mockingly.

"You were my mentor," Itachi said, as if this explained everything.

And maybe it did.

Madara grinned, "And granted…you were an excellent student. A shame I will have to replace you with Sasuke."

"He will not be like me. He will not make the same mistakes I did," Itachi said with the barest hint of conviction.

"And what make you so sure of that?"

At this, Itachi suddenly seemed placated. And when he answered, Madara could sense his surety.

"There are people still, who fight to save him," and then he was gone from Madara's presence.

--

Itachi felt the memories of his clones merge with his own. He found the strength to smile. He had accomplished what he needed to do. A feeling of completeness washed over him.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke…there won't be a next time."

The last thing Itachi saw before his death was Sasuke's confused face. His mind, though muddled and slowly going dark, questioned why his brother was looking at him in such a way. Dully, the answer was given to him.

Ah, yes. Sasuke still thought of him as a cold-blooded murderer.

But that was fine and to be expected, and most of all, carefully planned.

--

"_Tell me. Tell me I'm doing the right thing," the sentence though pleading, was said in such a dull tone. Itachi only had the energy left to whisper._

"_Sasuke will be strong enough to defeat you," the reply was made to be reassuring._

"_Will he be strong enough…to live…afterwards?" _

_Both are silent moments later._

"_I will…make sure he does then…" Itachi said when the other didn't reply._

_A face, a perfect mirror of his own, with a body, every inch his, looked down at his exhausted form. Sharingan eyes (his, yet also not, at this time) took in the bruises already surfacing on his skin, and the blood running down his thighs._

_Itachi is the only person who could lay down the punishment on himself, because others do not know the depth of his wrongdoings and therefore would not understand how to judge and lay down his punishment. Only he knew how cruel he must be._

_And since he cannot have the love of that whom he cares for the most, he will love himself. And because he is forced to hurt his brother despite his continuous devotion, Itachi deems it just that he suffer when he is loved as well.  
_

_Such is the extent of his self-reliance.  
_

_He is his own judge, his own torturer, and soon, executioner (for it will be his hands guiding Sasuke to that moment wherein he will breath his last and no more)._

**END**


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